Waste a few minutes of your life, why don't you

Elvis and Me

I read that Elvis Presley’s private planes are going to be sold off now. It makes me sad, I have fond memories of them. Years ago, I went on a road trip to Graceland despite knowing next to nothing about Elvis. It was just an exciting thing to do. I was very determined and also looking forward to bragging to my dad, who is a massive fan but never made it across the pond. Thankfully, my hosts at the time were understanding – Or rather, they feared I would get knifed, should I take the Greyhound bus across the country all on my own as I was quite prepared to do and then they’d have had to explain themselves to my parents. Bless, I was only 19. read more…

Trying to Make Friends with Tofu

For the past year or so, I have adopted a more or less vegetarian lifestyle. It happened bit by bit. I started skipping meat more and more often, and at some point I found myself actually enjoying vegetarian sausages. The days of marinated cardboard seem to be over, believe it or not. However, one thing that I find hard to enjoy is tofu. Was it not for my vegetarian boyfriend, I would never touch that stuff, but because his favourite Chinese take-away does this really good tofu dish, I decided to give it a try. 

Now, there are lots of different kinds out there. Having no clue what to look for, I went for a medium type first. It promised on the box that it would be great for stir frying, the very thing I planned to do. Well, that was a lie. The pieces were soft and wobbly and broke apart at the slightest touch. I felt like Hannibal Lecter frying pieces of brain. All I needed was a side of fava beans and a nice chianti. Needless to say, it went into the bin. read more…

The Day I Went to a Naturism Swim

“The great thing about naturism is that it doesn’t matter what you look like,” my friend told me.
“You reckon?”
“It’s just something naturists don’t care about. Maybe except for the pervs.”
It was too late for me to worry about looks anyway. I had already agreed to spend my Saturday night paddling around lukewarm water while trying hard not to stare at other people’s genitalia. My friend was used to that – He was a frequent visitor of the nation’s various naturist clubs, where he and his mates would go at the weekends, set up camp and wait for the sun to come out. read more…

My Bossy Toothbrush

I recently bought a new toothbrush. Not a manual one like before, but a fancy electric toothbrush. What bothers me is that it turned out to be bossy to the point of being an outright asshole. It has a timer that tells me exactly how long I need to use it, 30 seconds for each quadrant. But what if I don’t want to do that? What if I need longer for one part than for the other? What if I want to brush in a different order?

My toothbrush doesn’t care. It just frowns. The little rubber thing that is supposed to massage my gums will point downwards and grimace at me. It’s not really a good start to the day when even your toothbrush is disappointed in you. It wasn’t even cheap. I had to pay quite a lot of money for it and that probably went to its head.

If this keeps up, I will just take its head off. That’ll teach it.

About Me

Hi, I'm Maya. Welcome to the Golden Magpie!

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